Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
