You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I skipped work to stalk him.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Randomize
