I wish I only lived at night.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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