I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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