you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize