Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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