I feel like I'm in dance class right now
420 ftw
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
