First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
