The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
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