I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
