My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
