There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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