I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
NoShamevember. You game?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize
