just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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