she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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