I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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