I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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