I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
