Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.