you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?