we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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