Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I'm just crazy horny about you
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.