we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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