Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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