did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
You can't just leave with hair like that
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
