how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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