He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
