You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
