genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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