Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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