You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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