I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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