I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
