We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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