Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Randomize
