I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
