i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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