i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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