that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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