one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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