My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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