Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
This girl is more easily done than said...
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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