"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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