I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
