Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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