I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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