You're so nebulous sometimes
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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