Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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