Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
