I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I don't deserve a penis
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Randomize
