Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
