Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Randomize
