Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
