Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize