That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Randomize
