Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
