carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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