Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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