And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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