xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
she pinky promised me she was 18
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STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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