Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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