I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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