nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
